Pup Micro
I can’t tell if I’ve grown too old or what, but I have a hard time having fun participating at pup events in Seattle for well-over a year now. My only explanation is that they feel way different to me than they used to feel, and in a bad way for me. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even want to be at them anymore. I feel out-of-place and unable to be myself. All the things I used to enjoy are gone. I miss the free interaction with others. I miss the mischievousness that used to happen. I miss being able to wear just a harness and jock.
I’m completely unable to get into headspace at Seattle events. It typically only happens now when I travel to out-of-state events and even then, it’s not frequent enough. I feel like my inner-pup is like a huge balloon inside me that keeps inflated that has no escape and will eventually explode and subsequently die from lack of an outlet to express it.
I’ve discovered through trying to understand why this is, what I really need to get into headspace. I need a place where I feel comfortable and safe, I need a place that has limited or preferably no clothing requirements, I need a space free of BDSM-style play and I need a space with free sexual expression. There is no such place for this here or regular occurring event that encompasses these requirements.
I wish our human pup interactions mimicked my observations of our canine brethren. It is all done through body language and posture. Those that are bad at reading body language get barked at or worse nipped at for their misread.
I also have no solution to my situation given the current human environment landscape coupled with societal restrictions on the things I’m looking for. I think my expression of my pup self is just too much for the vast majority of self-identified pups currently publicly engaged in at least Seattle specifically.
All this is driving distance between myself and the greater group and leaves me trying to find another gateway to express myself in. It’s like that relationship with that person you really loved but have grown apart from.
Sorry if you’ve read this far and had to endure Micro’s, likely unpopular, brain dump.